Truth Be Told

I spoke a lot of truths today in an effort to make connections with perfect strangers.  It’s exhilarating to tell your life to basic newcomers to your life.  Nobody knows the things you haven’t told them.  Even if they do know based on hear say and conjecture…what do they really know?  I know my life from my perspective.

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I did many things today that contribute to my goal of being in a musical.  They are:

1. Sang in the choir.  I felt really good about all the singing during this portion of the day. I was really excited to sing the Mr. Bean ‘Hallelujah’ song.  I couldn’t help but smile while singing.  I remembered how much I enjoy smiling while singing.  It seems to get lost on me when singing in choir because I’m so focused on singing the notes and the melody correctly.  I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to do both today. It helped that I was in ear shot of the strongest alto.  But, ‘so what?’ I say to myself in an act to persuade myself to be more positive.  ‘I feel good about my efforts and that’s all that matters’.
2. Improvised with new team, Honeypot.  It was fun.  We played a lot of truth games…a lot of get to know you type stuff.  I find I surprise myself during these games by the things I reveal.  The most poignant question I was asked was ‘in your life who is your foundation and who is your perfume?’  I definitely had to think about it.  In the end I came up with my therapist – without her I would still be the shell of a self that I was.  I’m still shellish but am better.  I said that boyfriend was my perfume.  I would have said that he was my foundation but that would be false because I needed a foundation to attract such a fine smelling perfume.  But I guess I’m still thinking of the word foundation like of a building instead of as the base of a makeup regimen but in this scenario there is no difference.  Another surprising revelation when asked who I admired most in my life – I said my singing teacher.  I hope she reads this cause that would so incredibly lame if I told her to her face.
3. Audition Workshop taught by Elaine Overholt and Michael Hanrahan.  We had to introduce ourselves – as you always do at these workshops.  I said this:

• I’m a comedian and writer.  It was my new years resolution in 2011 to be in a musical but I am such a colossal failure at auditions that I have yet to succeed.  Even though the material I’ve accumulated makes for interesting blog posts and a little one woman show – I still very much want to accomplish this goal.
• Then we had to sing.  I made a decision to go first.  It deterred me some that I forgot my sheet music for the song that I sing the best which is ‘Don Juan’, but I went first anyway.  I had to use this track that I had recorded before I learned the song which is too fast once I learned it but it still worked.  Then after everyone sang they started giving notes.
• I was the last one to get notes.  I was beginning to worry that maybe my case was a knot that could not be undone.  But finally, I went back up and the guy asked me a bunch of questions about my life trying to find – maybe a sore spot that could be worked with to get some emotions or something “real” happening.  I don’t know.  This process at times confounds me.  All my really big scar tissue has to do with failing at auditions so how the hell do I use that in an audition?  No boy has ever damaged me as much as any dumb ass stupid audition or try out or interview.  In the end, he determined that I didn’t really care much about the song…which I guess was because I kept trying to think of funny ways to deliver it.  Like as if I delivered to this guy who hit on me once who said he had a yacht but it didn’t really conjure up much of anything – just a funny scenario.  Anyways, if I don’t really care about the song it means that I can’t really connect deeply to the song.   So next week we have to bring 3 new songs to work with and since I don’t have any ballads I guess I’m working on the ballad.  I get into my choices later.  But does that mean I can’t do funny songs?

Anyway – that’s what I did today in the quest to accomplish my goal.  Even though I’ve done quite a chunk of things my insecurities still put me at a loss.  I’m still thinking about the play I haven’t written and the money I didn’t make.  But I will win in this battle to be my creative, lovable, loving musical self – no matter what.  Not because I have to but because I want to.  If that makes any sense.

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