Nobody likes me

“Nobody likes me” is a thought that keeps buzzing around my brain like an annoying mosquito.  But the thing is I don’t actually care so why does the thought bother me so?  I keep trying to swat the thought away.  Blaming my the mean Darcy for the cruelty.  Even if let’s say the entire world was actually against me – I’d still be able to watch tv.  I could still disappear into that different reality for whatever length of time.  But I suppose is nobody really didn’t like me then all these goals/dreams I have would be useless because everybody knows it’s who you know not what you know.  And if who I know is like “I never want to be around that loser again” and what I know is how to sing and play pretend and rewrite the world the way I could see it then where does that leave me.  This a riddle I can’t seem to solve.  Somehow though all this headache will lead to writing a kick ass screenplay/musical with amazing characters.  The problem is I have the characters already written it’s just giving them dialogue and actually putting something on the page.  I wish I could have an assistant who would write down all my ideas and flesh them out.

This is the part of my life where I spend thinking about all the stupid things I said and all the ways I am all wrong.  For example, yesterday I actually said during that workshop that I’m desperate to connect with people which is why I get up on stage because I want a moment where all eyes are on me and people can hear me – finally.  Or what about how when everyone else went up they were asked if they liked them…no such question was asked to the jury when I went up so the most likely conclusion would be: I’m unlike-able.

Anyways it’s just a thought I was thinking.  I’ll go away now.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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