Fear immobilizes me. I can’t do anything. I can’t move forward, can’t move back and definitely staying right where I am is an impossibility. How can I change if I can’t do anything right? I have all these desires but I can’t bring myself to actualize them. I try and try and try and come up with nothing in the end. Yoda says ‘do or do not’. I take it personally. I guess that’s why Yoda is a fictional character – the writer can have him ‘do or do not’ without any of those pesky consequences called failing when you have done and yet it seems like you have done not because you have nothing to show for it except your efforts. I guess on my gravestone it should say ‘A for effort’ and on it all the participation ribbons I’ve ever received.
This thinking is no good. It’ll only lead to more and more self-destruction.
Things I can’t do or haven’t done for various reasons including laziness, fear or lack of talent ):
- be in a musical
- do stand up
- be sexy, hot and look good on a regular basis
- travel to festivals
- get an agent
- be an agent
- get a grown up job
- write that damn script
- learn to write music
- play drums
- sing the songs I want to at karaoke
- stop watching tv for like a month
- learn my alto line well so that I don’t get pulled into the soprano line
Anyways I’m going to see a movie now.