I did something stupid.  I sent the following email:

I would like to be in the chorus.

When/where are these auditions?

I have this stupid impulse to ask not to audition because I really, really suck at them and I’m way better than any audition I’ve ever done.  Is there any way I could give you references to people who can attest to the talents that seem to disappear when faced with an audition situation?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Darcy (inner critic) wins again, I see.  She’s friggin always cutting me short.  I hate her.  But I guess she does have a point as in even though I’ve been going to singing lessons every week since the beginning of the year I still have nothing to offer in an audition situation.  I’ve been dabbling with a bunch of songs instead of working on one or two songs and perfecting them.  But I’m so impatient.  I want to work on it once and have it be good enough to pass at these stupid auditions so I can finally be in a musical and then die happy.  It’s so frustrating to want something really, really stupid and then sort of try to get it but then fail at every turn.  I suck.  Darcy sucks.  She won’t let me win.  She doesn’t let me relax and/or let go of anything.  She holds grudges about everything.  She’s always furrowing my brow.  Oh well may whoever is running that show will give me a chance.  In a way I was just being proactive since I’m never prepared for these auditions.  Even when I prepare like crazy.  It would be so wonderful if I could just sign up to be in this musical instead of having to audition.  I’d pay a fee not to audition.  But I guess the humiliation of auditioning is the fee you pay to be a part of these stupid drama clubs.  They get to see you exposed and vulnerable and still reject you.  I hate auditions.