I did something stupid. I sent the following email:
Darcy (inner critic) wins again, I see. She’s friggin always cutting me short. I hate her. But I guess she does have a point as in even though I’ve been going to singing lessons every week since the beginning of the year I still have nothing to offer in an audition situation. I’ve been dabbling with a bunch of songs instead of working on one or two songs and perfecting them. But I’m so impatient. I want to work on it once and have it be good enough to pass at these stupid auditions so I can finally be in a musical and then die happy. It’s so frustrating to want something really, really stupid and then sort of try to get it but then fail at every turn. I suck. Darcy sucks. She won’t let me win. She doesn’t let me relax and/or let go of anything. She holds grudges about everything. She’s always furrowing my brow. Oh well may whoever is running that show will give me a chance. In a way I was just being proactive since I’m never prepared for these auditions. Even when I prepare like crazy. It would be so wonderful if I could just sign up to be in this musical instead of having to audition. I’d pay a fee not to audition. But I guess the humiliation of auditioning is the fee you pay to be a part of these stupid drama clubs. They get to see you exposed and vulnerable and still reject you. I hate auditions.