To be who you want to be

By the end of the work week I am depleted.  I want things to change.  I dream of a life that consists of writing Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm (for this I would work longer hours).  How would I make money?  The plan is to produce regular shows which would be the bulk of my income and then take small contracts.  Why don’t I do this?  Why isn’t this my life?  I have the talent and know how.  The simple answer: fear.  All my faults and imperfections go back to fear.  Today someone attempted to humiliate me but it didn’t work because all my life people have been trying to make me cry and succeeding but today it didn’t work.  I actually felt bad for the person doing the bullying.  Sorry dude but that’s what that was.  Anyway the point of this story is that I thought to myself what am I doing?  Why am I not writing and producing.  So here I go again attempt number 347 of trying to do what I want to do for a living which is write and produce.