I Wrote

I love these long weekends because I’m able to spend hours writing.  It is a little challenging to find time to write during the work week for various reasons.  If I write in the morning I can’t let myself get lost in whatever story I’m working on cause eventually I’ll have to pull myself out and go about my ‘real’ life.  If I have energy enough to write after work I live in a 1 bedroom and even though my boyfriend watches his sports with sound off – but unfortunately cannot mute the loud reactions that come along with watching sporting events.  Why not go to a coffee shop? It’s noisy and I don’t want to be tempted to spend money.  Library?  I feel like I go to the bathroom quite a lot and would always have to pack up and go.     It would be better if I had an office space to go to.  But I do not so I must make due with the time and space that I have.    Anyway despite all of these reasons to not write – I resisted the resistance and wrote.  I’m working on the play Witch about a 17th century woman who becomes cursed in a book and then released into 20th century Hollywood possessing the actress who portrays her.   I worked on some monologues for these characters and the first part of this pivotal scene sequence.  I don’t want to get too specific in this here blog because my next staged reading will be in October 2018.  Super pumped and inspired to do more of the work I love so much.  After I pay off my credit card, I’m going to do 1 show a month.  By that I mean either an improv show or staged reading or song cycle at a smallish venue in Toronto or surrounding area.  It’s what I believe to be the next right thing.  I’m going to apply for grants again which is terrifying for me but I have to at least try not to max out my credit cards.   My friends tell me not to take the rejection personally because so many people apply.  It’s difficult because I have to pump myself up and get the courage to actually apply and then when the attempt hasn’t been successful I typically beat myself up (literally) for even allowing myself to believe that my work has value.  I don’t really get why trying to be yourself can be such a challenge I mean when it comes to the world valuing you like financially.  Whatever gotta take the small wins where they come from and today it was writing despite my plans to write almost being thwarted by a distraction filled universe.  Good luck to all ye’ unknown writers.  May your writing time be fruitful.  I’m not giving up on who I am and so I hope you don’t either.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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2 Responses to I Wrote

  1. Marcelle LEAN says:

    I love this blog Alexandra!!! You are very lucid on what you want and you are brimming with passion and hope. That’s what I love to read. You are even thinking of other writers in the same position as you. As for the grant application, I feel exactly the same way. i have been hugely rejected so many times even though I felt I proved myself… The mysteries of who get chosen and who does not get chosen are still haunting me but I am slowly overcoming this crushed feeling. You should do because the administrative criteria have nothing to do with your art most of the time… Good luck!!!

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