I am writing and working on a bunch of different projects in various stages of development. But it is slow going as I deal with everyday life.  The every day life that doesn’t really have anything to do with these various projects and yet everything to do with it since the only way I’ll get to do it is if I can afford to.  I’m drawn to various quotes that explain where I’m at better than I can.

“Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That’s why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.” 
― Steven PressfieldThe War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

I am feeling the resistance.  Not so much fear to write.  I love the actual writing of these projects its so exciting.  It feels like a whole world is unfolding before my eyes and I hope someday it’s good enough that other people can enjoy the stories that I am attempting to piece together.  But I haven’t really been writing every day as I did in previous years.  I’m spending lots of time watching tv.  Like I want to watch all the tv shows that are out there just cause.  It is kind of fun but it is definitely a clever resistance tactic I’ve come up with to avoid the work that needs/wants to be done.


“Resistance is always lying and always full of shit.” 
― Steven PressfieldThe War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

The point of this post is to update whoever is reading on my projects.  My main objective/goal creatively for the year is Witch.  This is a story I’ve been thinking about for years and have written sporadically but wish to finish writing.  I have a deadline set for October aka an intention and plans in place with other people to do a staged reading of this play.  Even though, I have been telling myself how I’m going to put all the plot points on cue cards and spread them out so I can figure out if the scenes I have make sense with the kind of complicated yet totally necessary story I’ve come up with.  I haven’t done this yet.  I’m going to.  At some point.

I still really, really want to figure out how to get an improv troupe going so I can explore these various improv shows I’d like to do.  This idea inkling is causing all sorts of resistance within me because it requires other people being willing to devote their time for essentially just the joy of improvising.  I don’t really hang out with those people anymore (only cause life has taken me away from improv) and I don’t know if they’d be interested at all and have all kinds of anxiety around asking.  But I’ll do it at some point.  Again I have a tentative deadline in July to at least get something started like plan a meet up and whoever shows up is like in.

I’m keeping up with my music and musicals.  But I have no real solid action plans that involve anyone else other than myself.  As in I’m still learning how to put songs I’ve written into score form.  I’ve been working on only one song for weeks.  By weeks, I mean, I spend 3 hours on this one song since the beginning of the year.  Then I’m going to learn how to play that song and sing it.  The deadline for that is in June where I’ll be, I guess, playing the song and singing it as part of this class I’m taking.  The goal for me is not to perform at all but I recognize playing and singing my material is a necessary evil, I suppose.

I thought I would submit Mimi and the Music to some sort of grant or something that provides assistance to fledgling musicals but I haven’t been too keen on working on this.  The musical is about a young girl suffering from anxiety and this not as young woman has been having her ass kicked by anxiety of late.   So I don’t really want think about the subject and the whole point of it is help others by bringing awareness and I can’t do that when I’m like in the struggle.  I need some distance.  But I have a whole bunch of notes on how to make the musical I’ve written better but now I kind of don’t like the musical I’ve written and think I might change it completely.  Maybe I’ll do more with this musical next year.

Character Assassination: A Writer’s Guide to Killing Your Literary Babies already got rejected from that festival I applied to so I guess the universe doesn’t really have plans for this show.  I’m still toiling away with some of the songs, though.  These are the songs I’ll be singing/playing in June if I can get myself to actually practice.  Or maybe I could do some of the songs from Mimi…

To the person who told me I’ll never make any money doing this I wish I had the confidence to offer this quote:

“We must do our work for its own sake, not for fortune or attention or applause.” 
― Steven PressfieldThe War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles 

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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