I’m good at dreaming. This year I’ve been pushing myself to act upon those dreams. I’m putting me and dreams in real world situations to see how we fair. This is definitely a challenge for me. I cry out ‘but I’m not good at real world things” when things get challenging or I have no control over the a problem that has arisen. I’m doing two real world things in October. First I am going to Westminister, Colorado to the Durango Songwriting Expo to have official music industry types listen to a couple songs I recorded and give me feedback. I am terrified but also curious. Even if it goes to hell at least I’ll have done something. This summer I recorded 2 songs for the concept album I’m working towards creating called Violet Love Greatest Hits – a fictional popstar who’s character journey is from Hannah Montana to Amy Winehouse in 12 songs. I don’t know if I’ll have chance to say that at this feedback session but the songs should speak for themselves – but I had limited time and money so it doesn’t but a year from now it might which is why I’m going for feedback. But apparently you only get 5 minutes where they listen to the song and then give feedback so this is already feeling like a disaster. Oh well, I’ve never been to Colorado so that’ll be nice. But you never know. The second real world thing I am doing is another staged reading of a play-sical I’ve been working on. I know, I know I should just call it a musical already but I don’t want to because it has songs in it but not one every two seconds. This is also terrifying in its own way but I am excited to get this underway. I’d like to do at least 2 of these a year if I can manage too. Rehearsals start on Sunday – I know its a staged reading aren’t they just reading it? Yeah but I want to hear the songs and see the physical comedy bits – they can read everything else. It’s true, it’s true I am not good at real world things and the reason is this perpetual feeling that I am doing everything wrong and am offending everyone and I constantly feel like apologizing for everything. I don’t mean too do everything backwards I swear this is just me doing my best. I don’t mean to cause offense I’m just trying to do the best I can with what I have.
I definitely am more comfortable living in a dream world but am hopeful that the real world will get more comfortable with me living in it. But first I have to figure out how to do that.
Well done Alexandra to try to bring your dream world to reality. Dreams are terrific because they help you live with the things you love. They give you hope and beauty inside you: something that most people don’t have! It is useless for me don’t feel that you are doing things wrongly and that you have to apologize for them. It is something you have to conquer for yourself but one day the feeling goes away… good luck and “bon courage”.