I worked on another application this weekend.  I am about to send it.  I wish I could let go of fear and anxiety.  I wish I could just let whatever happens or doesn’t happen not mean so much.  It would just help me out so much if one of this applications could come through.  Cause then the writing that I do anyway feels like it would matter more.  Like matter to the world outside of myself.  Cause when something like creativity matters to you and only you I suppose it comes across as selfish or something.  I want to continue being my true self which has and always been associated with writing but I wish for things.  I don’t want this fearful energy to ruin everything I write and everything I touch.  I don’t want the fearful fear to ruin me.  I definitely feel a grand mood swing is upon me.  I should try to be less open about this aspect of my struggle because who’s to say for sure what’s really going on.  I am trying to be all that I am sans the dramatics.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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