All I know

All I know is that I am going to produce My Big Fat Jewish Christmas this holiday season (2015).  Yup I’m throwing myself on the train tracks because this the only way I’ll get to do what I keep saying I want to be doing: writing and then producing.  I’ve done a lot of writing and now its time to do the producing which to me is the hardest part.  It is the most difficult aspect because it is all about engaging with reality and attempting to manifest the vision.  I have next to nothing at this point except a script which apparently is all you need.  I obliviously think the script is funny and I can’t wait to work on it with like other human people.  It’s not perfect, yet but the only way it can have a chance is if a spotlight shines its light on it to see what’s really there.  I don’t want all my imaginings to be stuck in my head or in my hard drive.  

All I know is that I have a lot of friggin ideas, stories, characters waiting to get out into the world.  This is where the a.d.d. thing becomes an issue because I want to play with each idea as it comes up which is impossible and still get something done.  

All I know is that in order to get the holiday show to happen I’m going to have to do a crowd funding campaign.  I’m probably going to go with Fund-What-You-Can.    I attempted another campaign once and ran into technical difficulties so I didn’t continue.  This time I’ve been emailing the I.T. department to figure out what happened.  

All I know is that in order to pull this off I’m going to need help from human people.  All I know is that I can’t do this alone because my holiday show is not a one woman show it is a play with made up people and events and holiday songs.  Writing is easy.  Well, once you actually get to the writing part.  Nothing and no one but yourself to contend with.  I am entering into the collaboration phase which has its perks as well.   It’s been so long that I don’t really remember the exact things but I remember the good vibrations when the collaborating worked.   

In my research, all I know is that there are  a lot of moving parts.  So before I can get the people I have to at least attempt to raise the funds so I can pay those people.  In order to raise the funds I need a crowd funding campaign.  In order to have a crowd funding campaign I need to have the catchy image, not to mention the heart warming video.  In order to have the image or video I have to have the right computer program(s) and/or skills.   Better yet would be to have the skills of a talented graphic designer/film student in waiting who would be willing to help out for the experience.  (Email me if you are this person:  In order to find this potential volunteer(s) I gotta a) email a bunch of college programs with students learning that stuff and see or b) post something on some website (Note to self: figure out which one).   I feel like the only person who is reading is my mom who would probably say “why can’t you get a friend to do it” to which I would have to point out the sad fact that for some reason even though according to Facebook I have tons of friends, I really don’t have any friends, not like really, who would be into helping with this (at least that I’m aware of).  I’ve asked a couple people who used to do this kind of stuff for the experience once upon a time but now I can’t afford them.  And as my dad would say: what are they going to get out of it?  To which I would say “weren’t you paying attention: experience”.  Need I remind everyone that I am not getting paid.   I mean I hope to break even and then hopefully have a little extra so I can funnel it back into the next project but I don’t know.  This is the gamble I am taking.  In order take my own advice from my MoMonday’s speech I gotta play on. write on. create on.  I gotta take the risk (yet again).  Even if I am heading towards another grand humiliation.  Been there.  Done that.  I don’t want to go there again but I guess it’s just part of the territory.  

All I know is that I am terrified but in a good way because at least this time I am still taking steps towards the goal instead marinating in the fear.  Mmmm….marinate…dinner’s ready! 🙂

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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