New again

I’m moving tomorrow.  Another year gone by and yet another move.  I have moved every year since 2007.   Moved from Brock to back to the original home in Richmond Hill, then to downtown Toronto, downtown to yonge/eglinton to eglinton west then to eglinton east (laird), then to yonge/davisville then to bloor/dovercourt and now to bloor/runnymede.  Every year I’m like ok this is the last one for awhile but then life happens and then I’m moving somewhere else again.  Oh well.  At least I know Toronto pretty well now.  I kind of see each new neighborhood as a little adventure.  Plus I’m really excited about the newest neighborhood, it’s so pretty.

I’m looking forward to a new schedule I’m implementing.  Starting Monday I’m going to write every morning that I have available.  I’ve figured out that I do my best writing first thing in the morning (at least I think so or I’m more likely to get work done).  I’ve also given myself a deadline to complete the story/script elements: September 1st.  Ok yes I had originally set a deadline for July 29th but then life happened and it didn’t happen.  Ok but this time I really, really mean it.  I’ve even made the attempt to changed my work schedule so I don’t have to work openings which will result in less shifts but I have that street team stuff I did last summer so it all balances out.

After September is when I’m really going to focus on the music of it.  I’m going to dabble of course and read books on how to do it and maybe try it or take one or two more ‘basic’ composition lessons but I think the my priority should be finishing a first draft.  I’ve been so focused on how to teach myself to write music that I’ve forgot to actually write the damn thing.  So that’s what I’m going to do.

I feel the need to retract the statement I made the other day about hating my job.  I don’t actually hate it – there are parts I quite enjoy – I think I was just having a bad couple of shifts.   When I think of what my alternatives are I am happier working at a coffee shop than I ever was working in an office.  The thing about office work is that I just cannot or have a very hard time sitting still for 8 hours.  Oh and being quiet for that time is really difficult too.  I found it hard to focus on the tasks I was assigned.  Unless it had something to do with being creative but those tasks were few and far between.  Plus I really don’t understand photocopiers especially when they are misbehaving.  I don’t know what to do. And I can never remember.   I just end up feeling really stupid for being incapable of doing these mundane tasks.   Ok now that I have this information, I’m not sure what it means in terms of what kind of other jobs I can get and be slightly more happy.  For now it means I’m kind of relegated to jobs like street team representative and barista.  What other options are there for me if I’m not going to be an admin assistant?  And in case I can never make a living doing the things I actually love doing like writing and performing?  So these are the questions that I’m mulling over as I pack and prepare for my new/old life.

Oh yeah and I have no idea what the purpose of this blog is anymore.  I just like to write about myself and my life cause somewhere through the pile of self-loathing I think I might be interesting.  And I also think that deep down I always wanted to be one of those excessively hammy people who just talks about themselves all the time but then I tried it and could hear myself and thought ‘ew’ and so stopped.  But now I have like all these thoughts and things I want to say and I never really get to say them so I’m just saying them here.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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