Let’s take a look back at those new years resolutions. I’d like to discuss my progress on items 3 and 10. Item #3 on my list was ‘to finish Nobody’s Idol’; Item#10 was to ‘believe in myself’.
The measures I have taken to complete the musical are: a) participate in these writing workshops leading to a reading of the first couple scenes b) take composition lessons. Let’s discuss ‘b’. I have been taking composition lessons for the last 3 weeks from a guy I found on craigslist who charges $25/hr. The lessons have been via skype. This was all fine and dandy for the first 2 but then by the 3rd – which was last week – I felt I really needed more of a face to face interaction, as a lot of time seemed to be spent fixing technical glitches and/or repeating stuff for lack of communication. Tomorrows lesson will be ‘in the studio’ as he has called it. I’m not sure if I should continue with these lessons or not. There is a songwriting intensive happening that I am interested in but it is fairly expensive. Writing songs is a necessary component in finishing Nobody’s Idol and the one woman show which was 2nd on the list. Or maybe I should just read books about it and learn. I’ve made attempts in these last 3 weeks to write songs using garageband. They are ok but due to my lack of know how and experience they kind of suck. I did want to have music for the reading but that goal has come and gone.
I always knew these goals on my ever growing lists were going to be tough if I couldn’t master item 10. So this year I decided to get a ‘creative’ coach. The concept does sound dumb on the surface but if you haven’t noticed by now I’m a bit self-defeating so if I actually want to accomplish stuff then I gotta commit fully. If that means, making a list of my core values and making lists of things I need to stop doing then so be it. Today we made a list of things I need to ‘say yes/no’ to. I’d like to share them.
Things I need to say no to in order to be my creative self:
- Too much time at Starbucks
- To being a ‘victim’
- Yeah but…
- pessimism
- stories I tell myself about my learning disabilities and a.d.d.
- fear of rejection, judgement and confrontation
- giving in
- only writing when I am inspired (as opposed to the discipline of writing daily)
Things I need to say yes to in order to be my creative self:
- Writing more often
- Be a part of creating ‘good’ improv (a combination of silly play and depth)
- Being enough
- My talent; my worthiness; my creativity
- intelligence
- knowledge and experience
- clarity
- discipline
I sincerely hope that I can override my natural way of think about myself and the things I want. I want to believe that all things are possible and be hopeful and dare I say it happy. So here’s to that.
I really hesitate to post this. Or to even have this blog. But I suppose that would be those pesky fears talking cause I suppose letting your ugly truth be told must be worth something.
Waking Dreams Up 