Interior Dialogue

I can’t stand the thought that this might be a total disaster.  Say it is.  Just like everything else I’ve tried to do.  (Not exactly true but oh boy oh does it ever feel that way).  I want to be good at this but I realize I’m a beginner.  But I’m always at the beginning it seems.  My life is a series of beginnings with no real middle and if there was an end to anything I’ve ever done I must’ve missed it.  So I have like 1 decent scene and couple of ok monologues.  But as with everything I do it lacks focus and/or sense.  I don’t think I like sense much, it has a tendency to humiliate me time and time again.  But then again I’ve always been too sensitive, which why I don’t play much.

I know I can’t just jump into song-writing or musical writing and be brilliant but why the hell not?  I want the songs in the musical to be like the songs I hear and like on the radio. Which is what I’ve been trying to do.  But damn it, these songs also have to further the story which makes things complicated.  I don’t like songs that spell out plot points.  I  don’t want that.  Hmmm?  I hear my favorite songs currently ‘Florence + the Machine’ and just want to write these beautifully tragic yet catchy tunes.  But I guess I must not be good enough for such greatness.  Oh well.

I guess this is all part of the creative process. But I was enjoying the process a lot more before anyone read it and gave their opinion of it.  I have a tendency to reach further than I believe.   But I find it’s easier to believe what I want to believe without others.  But I guess that’s no way to be.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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