I can’t stand the thought that this might be a total disaster. Say it is. Just like everything else I’ve tried to do. (Not exactly true but oh boy oh does it ever feel that way). I want to be good at this but I realize I’m a beginner. But I’m always at the beginning it seems. My life is a series of beginnings with no real middle and if there was an end to anything I’ve ever done I must’ve missed it. So I have like 1 decent scene and couple of ok monologues. But as with everything I do it lacks focus and/or sense. I don’t think I like sense much, it has a tendency to humiliate me time and time again. But then again I’ve always been too sensitive, which why I don’t play much.
I know I can’t just jump into song-writing or musical writing and be brilliant but why the hell not? I want the songs in the musical to be like the songs I hear and like on the radio. Which is what I’ve been trying to do. But damn it, these songs also have to further the story which makes things complicated. I don’t like songs that spell out plot points. I don’t want that. Hmmm? I hear my favorite songs currently ‘Florence + the Machine’ and just want to write these beautifully tragic yet catchy tunes. But I guess I must not be good enough for such greatness. Oh well.
I guess this is all part of the creative process. But I was enjoying the process a lot more before anyone read it and gave their opinion of it. I have a tendency to reach further than I believe. But I find it’s easier to believe what I want to believe without others. But I guess that’s no way to be.