The Search Continues

Still looking for an apartment.  I can’t seem to focus on anything else other than looking for an apartment.  I want to do my homework on Nobody’s Idol which is figuring out what the theme is and then making sense of all my ideas about the play.  The thing is, I know that if I found a place than my mind would be preoccupied with getting the moving and packing together instead of writing.  Yet I have time to write about how I can’t write.  Frustrating much?  I met with Anna Mackay Smith who is my creative coach, cause I’m trying to figure out how to make my life and creative ideas happen at the same time.  Wouldn’t that be loverly?  So, I guess I’m ‘focusing’ on Nobody’s Idol instead of the this one woman show.  But by getting a new voice coach I’m still working on the show.  I know from that little imovie thing I did the other day that I am nowhere near performance ready.  So I need more time to actually work it out.  I haven’t yet figured out the original song stuff.  I mean I have ideas but as always I’m afraid I’m not good enough to write the ideas that I have.  I totally think that these genius ideas that don’t actually come from me but from somewhere else.  I think this because throughout my life I have insane ideas that at the time I thought only I could think of but then I would see this oh so unique and original idea somewhere else which means that the ideas I get really have nothing to do with me and are just floating around for any idiot to catch.  So the reason I tend to sit on all these ideas is because I just sort of figure the idea will choose someone else eventually so why bother with me since I can’t do it justice anyway.   But lately I’ve been wanting to be worthy of these great ideas so that’s why I’m doing the whole life/creative coach thing so that I can stop being so hard on myself or lazy.  It’s also the reason I’m trying ‘listen to my guidance system’ (as all those airy fairy people from Oprah’s Lifeclass sorta kind were talking about) when looking for an apartment.  However I’m kind of sorta frustrated because my ‘guidance system’ just won’t settle for anything less than the vision of the apartment it wants.  Or maybe it’s the other way around.  But I just feel like well I already tried to find places to live without this mysterious ‘guidance system’ and I haven’t stayed in an apartment for more than a year.  Ok so as I said before the search continues…

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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