Ok, so I met with Jen my choreographer the other day and we worked on the Britney Spears number ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’.  I used imovie to record some of our meeting as well as I Gotcha.  The plan was to set up vmeo or youtube account and post the ‘process’ but I’m mortified.  Being bad is part of the process.  It’s the part before you get good and it would be really beneficial for me I suppose to be proud and show off said process.  But I want to be good.  I don’t want to be that awful dancer in that video.  So I reluctantly hesitate to post any of it.  Maybe I should just produce it properly and show only the good parts.   I feel so awful that I’m not any good at this thing I want to do so badly.  It doesn’t seem fair.  But then again, I suppose it is, since I have no real training and if I did practice these routines everyday like I said I would then maybe I could be decent.  Oh no the crushing fear that maybe I’ll just be stuck serving coffee for the rest of my life.  I had the 2 worst customers in the entire world yesterday.   They were just plain awful coming in 3 seconds before closing time and demanding all sorts of outlandish things and then being all condescending because they work in the service industry too.  I wish there were a jail for rude people like that.  There would be like the rude police and I call them and then they would be sentenced to a lifetime of condescending comments all directed at them.  But I digress…oh well only a couple of hours until I see Oprah in person.  Who knows maybe there’ll be some moment where she’s like ‘Alexandra Lean?  Is there an Alexandra Lean in the room?’ and I’ll raise my hand shyly and then she’ll say how she’s been reading my blog and impart some of her brilliant brilliance on me and that’ll be that.  Time to drop off some T4 slips and either watch Game of Thrones or try once more to see if that place would be ok…no but I know I don’t want to live at that place in the middle of nowhere for a great price.  I’d rather live with the roommates.  Whatever I like people, I keep trying to play myself off like this ultimate loner but in all honesty I’d rather hang out.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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