Ok so I’ve been watching Oprah’s Lifeclass and there talking a lot about the stories you tell yourself that define your life basis.  So I guess the story I’ve been telling myself is that basically I’m stupid, untalented and ugly (or certainly not as pretty as others) which is why nothing truly amazing can/has ever really happened to me.  Or that I’m a hapless wannabe.  But I don’t wannabe a wannabe.  I gotta change that story.  I don’t want to be that nasty unloving person towards myself anymore.  So what’s my new story going to be?  I’m smart, talented and pretty, she writes apologetically.  Life is easy and fun and exciting.  I try and I succeed.  These happy go lucky statements feel funny.  Oh well – gotta keep writing.  I’m a writer.  I make a living from the stories I tell and the characters I invent.  I am a performer.  I can sing, act and dance (like nobody’s watching).  I have passion.  I am determined.  I believe in myself. I’m funny (ugh that one feels the most off but). I am funny.  People laugh at the funny things I say and do – in like a good way.  I feel good mostly.  I like to improvise.  I am good at improv (also feels very strange).

Today was an on/off day.  At some points I was on – nothing could tear me down then there were the other parts.  I find music is really able to change my mood quite drastically so I try to sing while I work to help me avoid the negativity.  I definitely woke up in a not so good mood.  I was cranky.  The day felt like a mountain but now I’m home.  Still have one more excursion to contemplate but then I can rest.  I have an appointment with the Apple Store tomorrow.  I’m going to fix the itunes store so I can get Garageband which I don’t have anymore because my hard-drive died and since I never needed it I didn’t replace it at the time.  Then I have my next meeting with my creative coach.  My energy seems to want to go towards working on ‘Nobody’s Idol’ so I’m hoping to work on a couple of scenes for that.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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