The life I chose

Wow so 63 people read this blog the other day and then another 8 more.  That’s very exciting for me and also scary.  Not that I’ve said anything incriminating or awful about anybody (I don’t think).  I just want to explain that when I write these posts I kind of write them in the heat of the moment and then just post them without really looking over what I’ve just written.  I just wanted to clarify that – just in case.

Anyways…today’s post is going to be a long one just because I have a lot to cover.

So even though I’m Jewish I’m thinking of trying ‘lent’ this year.  There are a couple of things that I should give up but I’m only going to choose one…maybe…if I can.  The first one is that I watch too much TV and I should stop for a month.  But the huge argument for TV is that it keeps me from spending money.  I mean yeah sure I would love to go and see a play or musical or comedy show every night but I need to save money.  So if I don’t watch tv what will I do?  Won’t I just go broke?  I guess I could read more and there’s still the internet.  I think it’s necessary to give it up for the next couple of weeks.  The other possibilities are: driving (the issue with that is say I have an opening shift at Starbucks, I refuse to get up earlier than needed to use the TTC), coffee (I really shouldn’t drink so much).  But I think I’m going to go with the TV thing.

I had a busy Sunday filled with choir, improv and a musical theatre workshop.  In choir we sang a song from ‘Oh Brother Where Art Thou’ – the song is exactly how I imagined singing in a church choir would be.  Cause obviously before this I’d never really gone to church – there’s a part in the song where it’s like ‘oh sinners let’s go down to the river to pray’.

I’ll save my improv thoughts for my other blog: http://improvinthecity.wordpress.com/

Musical theatre workshop felt good.  I’m working on ‘Holding Out For a Hero’.  I’m feeling more confident in the singing of the song.  The first time I sang it last night – even though I’d rehearsed all these movements and stuff, I was just stuck standing still delivering the song.  As I was singing I was thinking ‘oh this is the part where I walk’ but I literally could not move.  I chalked it up to good old nervousness.  I hate nerves.  They ruin and I can’t figure out a way to overcome them.  I wonder what’ll happen at the last class for that fake little audition thing.

They keep wanting me to scream it basically and so I’m trying to figure out how to scream but still stay connected.  It’s very frustrating this whole staying connected while speaking/screaming/singing.  It’s so confusing why isn’t this ‘connected’ thing a natural thing.  They say as a baby we’re connected where oh where do we lose that connection and how do I get it back?  I asked.  There are some breathing exercises that I gotta try.  I guess the most significant note that was given to me yesterday was the part where I have to practice the song in front of a mirror.  I should’ve asked why in front of a mirror?  I mean I practiced the song before the class just not in front of the mirror.  I guess so I can see what I look like when I sing and I think I’m emoting or whatever.  I’ll have to report back on the whole singing in the mirror thing.

Tonight is that writing workshop/play-writing circle group.   Someone has said I’m using this workshop to just make it look like I’m working on my play well because I’ve done classes and workshops like these before working on this very play/musical story.  But this time it’ll be different because it’s in the medium I want it to be.

Oh I also emailed this artistic director of this musical theatre company asking where I could find a composer for my musicals.  He said he wanted to meet for coffee and asked me to send him some of what I’ve written.  See the thing with ‘Nobody’s Idol’ is that I have a lot of story outlines and character descriptions but not a lot of scenes.  The last time I wrote part of it I wrote these monologues for the characters so I sent him that.  Oh and a link to this blog because this is my material for the one woman show ‘Musical and I’ coming to a theatre near you at some point in my lifetime.  It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from the guy.  Not the it matters what this stranger thinks of me and my writing abilities but was it terrible?  Is that why I haven’t heard from the guy?

Oh and that guy from the class emailed me that monologue and all is well for that part of the thing.

The last thing I wanted to tell you all about is that my therapist thinks that I should get an acting coach and basically start over with the whole acting thing and learn the basics.  So I met with this woman named Anna.  In a previous email I had told her about my one woman show that I wanted to work on and she said she could help me cause she also does creative coaching or whatever. So she said she can help me get focused on a couple of things.  But there’s so much I want to do.  I do really want to do this but it’s very expensive and so I’m just trying to figure out how I can do everything I want to do and still pay for stuff.  The most logical answer to afford such a coach would be to stop therapy and vocal coach which are both kind of needed in my life. Or I could wait until May when Val said she’s taking a month off.  Or I can just try and get more shifts.  Oh well I’ll figure it out.  Oh well I guess this is the life I chose.

So yeah that’s what’s going on in my life.  Still fighting the good fight for my creative self to shine.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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