Burning boats

Week two of learning choreography for my one woman show.  A feeling of hopefulness is upon me and it’s giving me a strong feeling of nervous apprehension also known as the willies.  I’ve come accustomed to hopefulness being immediately followed by extreme disappointment.  The thing is I watched that episode of Oprah’s new show where she follows Tony Robbins around and I’m feeling like the island is as good as mine now that those damn boats have been burnt.  So stay tuned to see what happens to good ol’ star of the musical and I.  Will she succeed and surpass her own expectations of failure…will she over come those blocks.

Ooo I’m even starting to attempt a solid belief that people would come see the show and pay $10 and I’ll be able to pay those who have helped get it off the ground.  Even if just a small thing.

I also have some awkwardness to report.  So I’m part of this writing group because I am also trying to write this other musical: Nobody’s Idol which I’ve been trying to write for the longest time.  So in the class we did some writing exercises.  Wrote a monologue about our day and that day happened to include the first choreography session.  Then we had to write a scene/monologues based on what the other people in the group wrote and this one guy wrote the funniest monologue from ‘my’ perspective that I thought would be hilarious in the one woman show.  I wanted to ask right then and there if I could use it but I didn’t because I worried that he’d be all like ‘why don’t you write your stuff?’  The answer is I am and I will it’s just I was going to write something similar before the class but then the workshop took place and I just feel like why bother writing something else if someone already wrote the thing I wanted to write in way better way than i would have and since it’s just going to sit in a notebook for all of eternity can’t I just use it in my show.  So I didn’t ask and tried to forget all about it because I was embarrassed.  But then the other day I was like what’s the harm in asking…so I got up the courage to send an email asking if I could use it in my show.  He asked: ‘Would you reference me as a source writer, or that the excerpt was written by me?” to which I responded: of course.  But the awkwardness for me is that I thought that was implied.   So I guess the harm in asking is coming off like a big fraudulent fraud who wants to steal people’s work and claim it for my own which is not the case.  I’d write the author’s name right here and now if I wasn’t so worried breaking some sort blog etiquette.  (Before I started writing a blog I read this blog about blog etiquette which said that it’s best to talk about other people without naming them unless  you ask them first…which be another awkward email.)  So I’ll just see where this all goes…if not no big-y.

The other thing that’s the scariest thing about this entire process is the part that I’m writing 2 musicals but have no clue about writing music.  I must be insane right?  I might just vomit at the thought.  But you know what I just gotta march forward with my eyes on the prize and sooner or later things’ll come together.  Plus, Tony Robbins said this other thing about going with the fear instead of ignoring or resisting it which will mess you up.   Not sure if what I’m doing is going with the fear or letting it use me for some ultimate humiliating mind funk (I prefer not to swear).

Other than all these silly thoughts I feel great about all this creativity going on.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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