I Gotcha!

Ok, Ok I know I just posted about how awful I am and all this negative stuff but…I feel really excited today about my life.  Later today I’m meeting with my choreographer for my show we’ll be working on “I Gotcha!”  I love that song.  Then in the evening I’m meeting with that play-writing (ugh why is play-writing the most difficult word to spell?) group to work on my other musical ‘Nobody’s Idol”.  Then, tomorrow (Valentines Day) I’m improvising with my Harold team ‘Honeypot’.  And yesterday I sang in the choir, had an improv practice and did that musical theatre workshop.  I feel like I’m finally living the creative life I’ve always wanted with every other day having something creative in my life.  I love it.  Except for the lack of money part but I’m sure someday I won’t be so resistant to financial success for my creative endeavors and will be swimming in my mansion on Alexandra Blvd.  I know it’s weird but I want to live in this one house on Alexandra Blvd. because from the outside it looks like my house.

Anyways, let’s get to the meat and potatoes….

So yesterday I did that musical theatre workshop and I had a mini melt down.  We all knew it was coming.   I was stressing out too much over what monologue to bring and how to sing the song that the tears were inevitable.  But it wasn’t horrible.  I was the last to go.  I sang ‘Holding Out For A Hero’ almost well but in my mind it was terrible and off key bad notes and when that happens I clamp up and I am just so embarrassed for sounding awful when I’m trying my best to sound good.  Then we worked on the song.  Elaine had me do this exercises to put my voice in my teeth.  She sounded like one of those 1940’s dames with the high pitched voice so I went with that.  It’s all very confusing to me because I thought the voice was supposed to come from the chest or diaphragm or whatever.  And she also had me jumping around which seemed to be working.  I was told that I made huge progress.  But that’s the other thing where I’m like really good and amazing for 2 seconds and then back to the normal awful way I present myself.  But how to be the good amazing me all the time?  Tricky.  Can’t figure it out.   Oh the other thing is which I get a lot is that I’m trying to sing to much as opposed to just singing.  I guess it’s like you don’t have to try to be who you are because you just are; I shouldn’t have to try to sing, I should just sing.  Hmmm?  That might take awhile for mind to digest.

So in conclusion, even though I may be flunking the “I want to be in a musical, so pick me” — it feels better than sitting home and watching the Grammy’s.