The previous title sounds wrong it was meant to be a clever thing about the musical rent but it just sounds like my actual rent cheque bounced which it did not

I emailed and tried to cancel my ‘Rent’ audition.  I said that I felt like I had sore throat which felt strep throat-y.  That’s a complete lie, I just don’t feel like another round of  ‘Alex Lean has another horrible audition’.  They emailed me back saying that it’s 9 days away and that the person had strep themselves and got over it quickly.  Ugh, so annoying. Can’t they just read between the lines or do I have to spell it out.  I haven’t rehearsed much.

In other news, at Sundays musical theatre workshop we read the 3 monologues we chose. I literally just read mine.  I also changed my mind about which ones to read at the last minute.  I, first, read this monologue about a girl for 1940’s who gets married by proxy who doesn’t know if she’s a virgin or not.  It’s pretty funny and I’ve done that one a lot so when I read it sounded familiar.  Next, I read a monologue from Pygmalion but I didn’t do the stupid accent and it was literally like 2nd grader reading.   Then, I tried a dramatic one – Blanche from ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’.  The actor guy didn’t like any of them for me and was confused about why I chose a dramatic monologue because funny is my strength.  He asked, ‘what will the audition-ers know about you from this monologue? I don’t know, I responded.  That’s my usual response.  I rarely know anything and even when I do I constantly say that I don’t.  It’s easier I guess not to know the things that you know.  Anyway – I want to learn the Blanche monologue because the woman is standing up for herself.  Plus, I’d like to watch A Streetcar Named Desire.  I hope it’s on netflix.

I also abstained from doing that ‘Braces’ monologue that I love so much.  I mean I just couldn’t bare hearing a dismissive ‘you’re too old to do that monologue’…even with the insanely cute and funny character I put on for it.  I’m not old, so shut up.  And even if I am ‘older’ I’m still a lot younger than “you” so go away.

Everyone else had really funny monologues — mostly.  I guess if I did research I’d be able to find some funny monologues but let’s just stick to this one.  I’m also going to sing ‘Holding Out For a Hero’ class.

I’m still desperately trying to figure out how I can possibly be someone else.  Or get someone else’s better voice or talent or ability to admit what they want career wise and get work or at least auditions for work.  I just feel I can’t make that leap yet because I missed a crucial step in my upbringing.  I never starred in a musical in school.  Thus, never getting the confidence that would’ve instilled in me to actually do the thing I most love to do.  So here I am yet again, scheming and hoping that somehow someway I’ll change and become this completely different person who actually does stuff.

Whatever…I’m going to post these songs cause they make me feel better about life — even though they are so cheesy but oh well.

Why?  Just because I felt like it.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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