Here’s the thing

I’ve been writing all day and not once have I written anything for that musical I’m writing.  Here’s what I need: a composer or some kind of theatre class where you create your songs through improv.  I think that’s the only way songs will get written by me for my musicals.  Oh I wish I could be like Julia Cameron as in she often writes about how she woke up one day with a melody in her head.  Well if I had that then it would be easy to find someone to write all down for me.  But alas I don’t even have that.  I feel like whenever I try to write for this musical I’m reaching into the dark and everything I pull out of the darkness disintegrates in my hands.  Part of it is of course my blinding fear of what would happen if I actually succeeded at all the things I say I’m good at and want to do.  Or I think of quirky ideas for songs when far away from a pen and then once I get somewhere where writing is possible all the things I were thinking are no good anymore. I thought the idea to death.  Ugh..oh well…someday, I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are behind me….where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops…that’s where you’ll find me…if happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why oh why can’t I.  I mean seriously.