Idiot

I was called an idiot at work today.  I was both hurt, angry and confused.  I mean I call myself an idiot all the time so what’s the difference if another agrees with me on occasion.

Why do people hate me? my thoughts ask me.  Since the dawn of time or grades school rather “people” have made it a point to call me all sorts of nasty things.  Why?  Is it because I’m super sensitive and they know they’ll get a reaction?  Or is it because somehow they’re inferior but have a superiority complex?  I wish that was my deal.  I would much rather feel inferior but act superior instead I’m stuck feeling and behaving inferior.  Instead of hitting back, I question myself.   I hate it.  I want it to stop.  I hate constantly doubting myself and the things I want, think, feel, do.

Maybe she’s right?  I am prone to doing and saying idiotic things – mostly because it’s fun.  On this occasion it was because I was tired and wasn’t really thinking.  But to be called outright a name.  The exact words were: ‘the fact that you have to think about it means you’re an idiot.”  Was this somehow a hilarious joke that I don’t get?

Ok so this person obviously has some sort of problem with me that cannot be reasoned with.  So how do I interact with this person when she thinks telling me I’m stupid is funny?  What am I supposed to do with this information?  Accept it, ignore it or spit it back?  I have to just forget it and suck the poison from the jellyfish out of my system.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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