The Nerve

I’ve been thinking the key to success in this world has to do with being brave.  I’ve been thinking that since I’m such a coward I may never see some ego-type successes.

Here is a list of all the things I do not have the nerve to do:

  1. Really prepare for this audition on Tuesday…
  2. Try and switch my shift on Tuesday to make sure I’m not late or rushed
  3. Take a tap dance class to refresh my memory on how to do stuff
  4. write my musical for at least an hour daily
  5. Apply to a fringe festival of some sort
  6. promote this blog

Why?  I guess it’s fear.

  1. Because well look what happened last time – I was sooo prepared and do you see me in a musical – no – so – let’s just give up before I even get there – who cares if I’m really talented, they’ll never see it, the way they always never see or hear me…the way I always let myself down
  2. Because an hour and 20 minutes should be plenty of time for me to get to god knows where this audition is taking place
  3. I more or less remember how to do a time step – it’ll be easy…f! I had soo much time to prepare and what did I do? watch tv and movies…I’m the worst.
  4. that’s so much work I’d rather just sit here and do nothing
  5. the thing about fringe festivals is that they cost money and I’ve got lots of other things to pay for…but money is always a likely excuse not to do stuff…but then again it is a good reason
  6. People actually reading my actual thoughts and feelings on stuff, how horrifying

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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