It’s new years eve. The moment of truth. As in one full year has passed since making this new years resolution to be in a musical and here I am yet again making yet another new years resolution. I’ve done a whole list in a previous post. I’m starting to feel a little over this whole being in a musical thing I mean I still want to do it but now I’ve found that when put on the spot and asked what 2012’s new years resolution I’m saying these 3 things: do my one woman show; finish writing ‘nobody’s idol’; and eat healthy. (There is a fourth which goes without saying so let’s just keep it like that). At the moment I don’t really care that much because I’m in such a good, happy mood. And that was more or less the ‘greater’ purpose of this mission to ‘forget my troubles and get happy’. Well, this is certainly a first for me to out right admit that I’m actually happy. Even if nobody knows who I am or that I might be the greatest star or if I don’t have the job that I want or get paid for the things that bring me the greatest joy. In this moment, I am ok. I’m loving life even when I’m screaming about how much I hate it (I feel like that’s just a habit, plus it’s super fun to over dramatic sometimes). I feel in “the vortex”…what’s that? who cares – a ride at Wonderland.
Anyway – I sang the Bijork version of ‘It’s Oh So Quiet” at karaoke of Thursday and it was oh so fun. Before I got up to sing I thought I would totally suck because I hadn’t sung in almost 2 weeks and wasn’t feeling that great. But from where I was sitting – I was actually surprised that I sounded good. I mean I hate judging these things from the inside. But it felt good. I even got a high five when I got off the stage. Is it loser-ish to be filled with this much glee? If so being a loser is awesome.
In conclusion, I have no clue what the future holds for me or where I will be a year from now, any closer to my dreams or right back where I started (yet again). All I know is that I feel great and grateful and all those wonderful things you feel when you feel good.
Happy New Year!