It’s Oh So Quiet

It’s new years eve.  The moment of truth.  As in one full year has passed since making this new years resolution to be in a musical and here I am yet again making yet another new years resolution.  I’ve done a whole list in a previous post.  I’m starting to feel a little over this whole being in a musical thing I mean I still want to do it but now I’ve found that when put on the spot and asked what 2012’s new years resolution I’m saying these 3 things: do my one woman show; finish writing ‘nobody’s idol’; and eat healthy.  (There is a fourth which goes without saying so let’s just keep it like that).  At the moment I don’t really care that much because I’m in such a good, happy mood.  And that was more or less the ‘greater’ purpose of this mission to ‘forget my troubles and get happy’.  Well, this is certainly a first for me to out right admit that I’m actually happy.   Even if nobody knows who I am or that I might be the greatest star or if I don’t have the job that I want or get paid for the things that bring me the greatest joy.  In this moment, I am ok.  I’m loving life even when I’m screaming about how much I hate it (I feel like that’s just a habit, plus it’s super fun to over dramatic sometimes).  I feel in “the vortex”…what’s that?  who cares – a ride at Wonderland.

Anyway – I sang the Bijork version of ‘It’s Oh So Quiet” at karaoke of Thursday and it was oh so fun.  Before I got up to sing I thought I would totally suck because I hadn’t sung in almost 2 weeks and wasn’t feeling that great.  But from where I was sitting – I was actually surprised that I sounded good.  I mean I hate judging these things from the inside.  But it felt good.  I even got a high five when I got off the stage.  Is it loser-ish to be filled with this much glee?  If so being a loser is awesome.

In conclusion, I have no clue what the future holds for me or where I will be a year from now, any closer to my dreams or right back where I started (yet again).  All I know is that I feel great and grateful and all those wonderful things you feel when you feel good.

Happy New Year!

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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