That’s how I feel. Actually more like a blemish. A pimple I just want to destroy and pop. I want to rid the contaminated pore that is me from the world and life itself. Why is this, you might be inclined to ask. Because I feel far away from my childhood dreams. I am having a hard time with my current state of affairs. My ego wants to define itself by it but then doesn’t like, how it looks or the way it sounds and is beating me up. For the most part I try to ignore all things ego, but sometimes the force is all too strong and here I sit a disgusting imperfection trampled upon life’s forehead. So, how am I too proceed? Part of me wants to runaway and hide and pretend that the life I’m living is not in fact it and soon enough I will wake up from this boring, nothing of dream and I’ll be able to start over. I’ll be able rewrite my life the way my ego would want it to be. The description of me would be something similar to one of those characters from one of those teen books. I would be perfect. And perfection would mean that I was the leading role in every play or musical ever worth being played and singer of every good song on the radio. Eventually, I would learn to write musicals and plays and screenplays. Oh and did I mention I’d be really good looking. So good looking that I wouldn’t need to wear makeup or straighten my hair. I would just exude beauty and physical hotness to nth degree.
But I guess when I snap back into reality, things are not all that bad. I have a form of employment but that doesn’t have to be the way I define myself. I don’t need to concern myself with other people’s judgment’s of me. All I need to do is put one foot in front of the other. Treat myself with care. As the Starks keep saying: ‘Winter is coming.’ The time when hope is all but lost. Somehow I just have to stay focused. Keep singing. Practice my songs…choir…karaoke…look for open mic night…and such…time for bed. Good night.
Waking Dreams Up 
I landed on this page by googling the title of this post, and happened to click on link. Your dreams are in your heart for a reason. And I know that this is a few years ago, but I really encourage you to know that you have these gifts for a reason, and there are plans ahead of you in your life that are waiting to happen, and they are beautiful, exciting, adventurous, and show of your beauty! You were created beautiful, and you are. And everything you do expresses that beauty. You have an incredible creative voice, so many worlds, stories, and revelations to share throughout the planet. You have that longing to change culture into one of freedom and love, that easiness in creativeness flowing and coming into being, and you living in that reality will open it up, like origami unfolding, and spread in the environment around you. You were created to influence culture through your creativity, and to be an example of how easy it is to flow from and idea into a full fledged beautiful manifestion of a simple thought turning into an extravagent celebration of an inspiring story. Like a music box being opened up. It looks so simple from the outside, but as you creek it open, you see more and more of the detail, turning into movement, turning into song. And altogether, it displays multidimensional art, and entertains, inspires, motivates.
I’m sure God has many people lined up to encourage you, and a few already have:) bless you so so much. Jesus is really your heart, and He is so real. He is the safest place you could ever find, the One who will always make your dreams come true in the perfect timing when you are ready to support them, and He is the finest, most adventurous and awesome partner in life! He wants a REAL relaitonship with you, and if you ever wonder what that means, or if He is real, ask Him, and He will show up in an extremely beautiful supernatural way:) in ways you will understand and notice. Whether it’s in recurring dreams, people coming up and talking to you, a wave of love, peace or laughter coming over you as you ask. You will feel Him, you will know it Him, and you will never be same. And you will never want for anything more than His love.
You will literally, tangibly carry a peace that surpasses understanding, and will know that everything is possible every time you lean into Him and listen, and feel Him.
He is calling you into relationship, and He’s got your back:) you are so, so loved, desired, beautiful, and extremely talented.
Bless you sis:)
Thank you so very much for your kind words of encouragement. I feel much better than I did way back in 2011. Thank you oh so much for taking the time to write all those wonderful words, Thanks again.