That’s how I feel. Actually more like a blemish. A pimple I just want to destroy and pop. I want to rid the contaminated pore that is me from the world and life itself. Why is this, you might be inclined to ask. Because I feel far away from my childhood dreams. I am having a hard time with my current state of affairs. My ego wants to define itself by it but then doesn’t like, how it looks or the way it sounds and is beating me up. For the most part I try to ignore all things ego, but sometimes the force is all too strong and here I sit a disgusting imperfection trampled upon life’s forehead. So, how am I too proceed? Part of me wants to runaway and hide and pretend that the life I’m living is not in fact it and soon enough I will wake up from this boring, nothing of dream and I’ll be able to start over. I’ll be able rewrite my life the way my ego would want it to be. The description of me would be something similar to one of those characters from one of those teen books. I would be perfect. And perfection would mean that I was the leading role in every play or musical ever worth being played and singer of every good song on the radio. Eventually, I would learn to write musicals and plays and screenplays. Oh and did I mention I’d be really good looking. So good looking that I wouldn’t need to wear makeup or straighten my hair. I would just exude beauty and physical hotness to nth degree.
But I guess when I snap back into reality, things are not all that bad. I have a form of employment but that doesn’t have to be the way I define myself. I don’t need to concern myself with other people’s judgment’s of me. All I need to do is put one foot in front of the other. Treat myself with care. As the Starks keep saying: ‘Winter is coming.’ The time when hope is all but lost. Somehow I just have to stay focused. Keep singing. Practice my songs…choir…karaoke…look for open mic night…and such…time for bed. Good night.