Limitless

I watched the movie ‘Limitless’ this weekend where the main character takes this drug that makes him practically perfect.  He takes the drug and he finishes the novel he’s been working on overnight.  I need that drug!  I wish I could be that productive.  I realize that I’m in a funk.  A creative funk that is.  I mean yes I’m working on stuff but I’m not fully committed.  I’m sort of dabbling in music and writing but nothing is really sticking because I haven’t done enough or worked hard enough.  I’m stuck.  The Julia Cameron book says I need to love myself more.  The cynic in me cringes.  The cynic says the answer is to be more and more furious with myself for being the ultimate loser.  The cynic reminds daily of my shortcomings.  But I know I can’t listen to the cynical side of me anymore.  I need to banish her.  I need to be more positive.  Stay focused.  Ignore the cynics discouragements.  I’ve been making baby steps.  I do take actions to overcome the cynics cynicism.  Like: contacting an old writing teacher who always encouraged me, telling people who generally like my ideas my ideas.  By now with the Julia Cameron book I have lists upon lists of things I like, actions to take and people I like to talk to.  Maybe writing these blogs are actually doing me a disservice because I’m constantly retelling the same old story of why I’m awful, how I can’t do anything with examples.  From here on in you who do not read this will only read of the happy, positive things that are going on.  I know, how positively boring.