Becoming Teachable

I’m still mustering along reading and doing the exercises in Julia Cameron’s book “Walking In This World”.  I wanted to share my most recent task.

“Take pen in hand.  List 5 personal situations that are for you lingering resentments, sore spots, and sources of self-pity regarding a lack of effective mentoring.”

1. I didn’t get a starring role in any of the high school musicals.  I didn’t even cast myself in any roles when I directed ‘A Chorus Line’.  In the depths of my self-loathing, I feel that if only I had gotten these experiences I would’ve had the confidence to pursue my dreams.
2. No starring roles in university either.  Not even in one of the one act plays that one professor professed: “You’re practically guaranteed a part”.  I was not.  Thanks Glenys.
3. I’m always being told I suck at improv in various situations.  Whether it be not getting into the second half of conservatory or my latest rejection of not being on a current harold team.
4. I haven’t finished writing those plays / screenplays / spec scripts I started all those years ago.  I haven’t lived up to my potential that I was told I had by being awarded that playwright award when I graduated from Brock.
5. I feel totally played as a fool (still) in my former business relations.  The main sore spot was the idea that came up over and over about me not having any vision.

“These grievances are real, and you can’t change them.  You can, however, ask some pointed questions and take some nurturing actions…Address each of your historic grievances, looking for a present-tense action that creatively soothes your injured artist.  Take those actions.  Even the smallest can less self-pity’s sting.”

1. Continue to audition for musicals or plays I’d like to be in.  Practice a song and a monologue every day so I’m as prepared for the next round of auditions as I can be.
2. I can cast myself in this little cabaret show I’ve been wanting to do for awhile.
3. I could produce a show where I would improvise with a different improviser, who I like and respect and find ways to learn how to be a better improviser.
4. Well, I got into this writer’s circle with The Steady State Theatre Project.  So hopefully I can really work hard to complete the one play/musical I’ve been thinking about.
5. Write business plans for the many business ideas I keep having until I’m confident to go ahead and pursue them.

This exercise really did make me feel better.  I’m actually really excited to move forward on some of these actions.  Great.