What I did for love

I sang ‘The Wizard and I’ song at Karaoke last week.  It didn’t go as well as I had hoped because you really need to know that song well in order to sing it well.  I knew all the words of course and how it went but the notes were tricky and my nerves got the better of me mid way through the song as I could hear how off I was.  But ya know that’s what karaoke is for.  Singing awfully.  I kind of get annoyed (or perhaps jealous) when really good singers go up and sing.  I just wanna yell ‘ you’re making the rest of us look bad!”  Now sing flat like the rest of us.   I know it’s jealousy because I want to be that good.  I want people to be in awe of me and my singing abilities.

I had my weekly singing lesson yesterday.  It was good.  I worked on the song ‘What I did for Love’ from A Chorus Line.  I need to work on a ballad.  I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do with all these songs I’m learning.  This whole being in a musical thing isn’t panning out the way I had hoped it would.  Like most thing in life I suppose.  So I guess the other option would be to produce a show with a bunch of my favorite songs or something.  But say no one comes.  That’s why I would rather get a part in a community theatre production of something so that there is a built in audience.  I’m constantly hovering over defeat.  A part of me wants to give up.  It’s too hard.  Let’s go back to the corner and hide the singers light that is sometimes there.  Again, my singing teacher noted that sometimes I sing beautifully and the rest of the time it’s like someone completely different.  She wants to work on being more consist and on me knowing when I’m connected or not.  When I am “connected” (as they say) singing feels so easy.  The rest of the time when I am not I’m trying so hard to get back to that easy feeling.  It’s so difficult to just relax and trust that everything will work as it should.  I guess that’s the greater lesson I am learning through this singing journey I am on.  To trust that the chips will fall where they may.  But to really trust is to leave yourself vulnerable which can lead to all sorts of painful things.  I wish I could figure it out a little quicker.  But until I do there’s choir and karaoke to keep me busy until that musical finds me.

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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