Tomorrow evening is my audition for Cabaret and I feel really prepared. I know my songs…the notes and the words; love the monologue; the only thing that could creep in and ruin my audition are my nerves. I know that’s still a thing I need to overcome but I’m hoping I can conquer them this audition. Nothing to worry about. I rehearsed in the heels I’m going to wear, I got my hot outfit all picked out. I’m going to get a trim tomorrow morning so that my hair will be professionally straightened. I also have a voice lesson set for an hour before my audition time so I’ll be all warmed up and ready to go. Man, doing well on an audition (hopefully) takes a lot of work. I may be going a tad over board but the straightened hair thing will give me the confidence I need. I usually leave these things (rehearsing, outfit choice, hair..etc) to the last minute which basically just invites disaster. This time I hope that I’m inviting success. The only thing that would make me the most prepared was if I were to practice in front of a group of people who weren’t paying attention to me so I could practice not caring or at least looking like I don’t care. At this point that’s the only thing that could throw me. Well lots of things could throw me but I don’t want to spend time coming up with them. I think I’ll go over all my material for the umpteenth time.
There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about lately. Since I’ve been ‘studying’ all this Oprah Lifeclass stuff. The thing that I’m struggling with is the whole letting go of stuff that you want. So I really want to be in a musical – I think I’ve established that – right – and so I’m going on all these auditions with that goal in mind, right. So the struggle with each auditions is that I friggin’ want to get a part and I want them to pick me, me, me. I don’t understand how to let that desire go. Because I would be faking letting it go so that I could get what I wanted in the end but that’s not really letting it go now is it. I have to completely be ok with never, ever getting into the musical…which at this point in time is not something I can see myself letting go. Hmmm? So does that mean I’m permanently screwed for all these auditions I go on? Are all these lessons and audition prep in vain because I can’t truly be ok with not getting a part? Am I just continuing to subject myself to rejection time and time again because deep down there’s an evil alien diva running my unconscious and making me want and do things just to hurt me? Hmmm…I thought I said I wasn’t going to think to much about this audition. Oh well. Breathe, Smile, Sing. Look hot as hell!