Wanting

I’m just going to take a page from Oprah’s Lifeclass and just sit with the wanting of being in this particular musical.   Yes I do want the part of Sally Simpson.  I think the reason I did well at the last audition was because I decided not to care about the outcome and just went for it.  At the moment I am full of caring about the outcome being that I get to be the part of Sally Simpson.  I need to let that go and just commit.  My only job is to sing, breath and smile.  The rest will take care of itself.  I can’t go in with this desperate, begging energy of ‘please oh please pick me to be this particular part’…who knows there may be someone else who is perfect for that part.  If I do get a part I am not going to do that thing I usually do where I say ‘yeah but it’s not the part I wanted’.  F that way thinking.  That’s Darcy talking.  I listen to her no longer.  I can choose to be confident and give my all and see what happens.  But I’m not really clear on the actual notes of Sally Simpson and am kind of going on what I think the notes are from what I heard.  Since I don’t have a trained ear around to tell me ‘ugh that’s supposed to be a ‘g’ and your singing an ‘f'”…so then I guess I could just go back to singing the original song but I like the energy and personality I can give to the Sally Simpson song I’ve been learning…and I doubt the notes are that off…but what if there’s pianist…which they said there would be…since I haven’t practiced with the actual notes I’m afraid that once the piano starts I’ll get lost….so I can ask to do it acapella since I didn’t have a chance to practice with the music.  That’s a legit thing to ask…right?  I gotta get rid of this nervous energy.  Ok alls I gots to do is breath, smile and sing.  All will work itself out.  Is the point of sitting with the wanting so that eventually you don’t want it anymore.  But then I don’t want to send out the energy that I don’t want it cause i do want it.  Oh gosh…what about if I’m just happy to have a callback.  Yes they heard that I can sing already…I proved that already….now it’s just a chance to show the rest of what I’m capable of….I didn’t get to show much of my acting chops so this’ll be that opportunity and I think there’s a dance/movement portion.  I’m pretty alright.  I got this.  I am consciously choosing to be ok with whatever happens.  If I don’t get a part – it’s ok – I’ve gotten further than I ever have before.  If I get only in the chorus with no solo — I’ll be ok…a chance to practice harmonies again….if I get a part that’s less glamorous than the others…it’s wicked, a chance to grow as a singer and budding musical theatre-ite…if I get the part of Sally Simpson…great.  Either way I am good.  I always have been good.  This one moment in my life is not the defining one…as I tend to think all auditions are.  It’s ok.  I’ve survived these types of experiences before and I’ll do it again.  Ok I’m ready to get this callback happening.

Breath.  Smile.  Sing.  That’s it!

About Alex Lean

I am just another dreamer trying to wake up
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