Come on, Get Happy

Feelings aren’t facts.  I have to keep reminding myself of this in order to stay afloat.  That’s correct I’m drowning in emotions these days.  I forgot to put on a life jacket.  Today is better than yesterday, though.  The sun seems brighter and spirits are in better shape at the moment.  My boyfriend keeps urging me to start writing again.  Then I remind him that I write 2 blogs which he dismisses and then says to write a script or something that I can sell.  I guess this type of writing doesn’t count or something.  A part of me wants to work on that stupid screenplay/musical but another part of me is still feeling ever so discouraged.  I don’t want to open that door again – Darcy is waiting for me with an ax.   I worry too much about what other people think.  Like now everyone who reads this must think I’m crazy but according to my therapist I’m not.   I’m just high strung and really sensitive.  My boyfriend thinks that the problem is I have no problems so I worry about everything instead of nothing.  I should care less.  I always thought the reason I am the way I am is because of the lack of (emotional) support.  That’s why I get discouraged so easily – no one has ever been there to tell me to try again.  “They” (whoever they is) have always pointed me in directions I never wanted to go in.  But then again that’s not entirely true – I have found some who have encouraged me.  Nudged me forward.   I am so utterly resistant to the direction I sometimes wish I could go in that it seems pretty impossible to muddle through.  I do want to be a happier, not-so pessimistic type of person.  I keep going in circles always back at the same place – over and over again.