I’ve revamped the site’s image and themes. The above header needs work but at the moment I do not have photoshop and am relying on an individual who is not-so interested in fixing the image. So for now the above will do.
I have my Body Conditioning class tomorrow. I’m going to make a sincere effort not to cry during this class. Last week I thought if I could try to eat healthier this week maybe I could get through the workouts more easily but that plan didn’t last for long. My steady diet of fast-food and soda is becoming a problem. I should pack a lunch but because I’m moving I figure what’s the point in going grocery shopping for my last week. I haven’t bought groceries in over a month. Next week I will change this – I promise myself.
The other day I cried during my singing lesson. I was sad about the improv team I had been on being over. My voice teacher talked about how great it was that I’m so connected to my emotions and she asked if I feel ashamed over my emotions being so close to the surface. The answer is – sometimes, yes I do feel embarrassed about my emotions. Perhaps that’s why I don’t really advertise this blog the way I should if I actually wanted people to read it. I worry about people thinking the worst of me or feeling sorry for me. Not sure which is worse. I also cried today and yesterday about not being able to get paid for what I’m passionate about. Those tears are ones of despair because it’s so hard to believe that some day it’ll all work out for me and my passions. But anyway the point I was trying to get at was that other times I’m not ashamed over my ability to cry easily – my thin skinned nature. I feel like this is the way I was built and if me crying is inconvenient for you well that’s of no concern to me. This is how I feel in this moment and how dare anyone tell me to feel otherwise or have me bottle them up – just so they can feel better. Sometimes I feel like this is another stubborn stance I’ve made and that the world and it’s conventions about public displays of emotions should just change to suit my needs. I suppose this is an erroneous want.
Which brings me to this: Someone sang Moses Supposes today and now I can’t get it out of my head.